WHO NEEDS DON DRAPER? NOT US BEARS. RATHER THAN EXPLOITING FREUDIAN IMPULSES LIKE IMAGE OF SELF AND FEAR OF REJECTION WE PREFER TO LET PEOPLE KNOW HOW MUCH THEY NEED OUR PRODUCTS MORE DIRECTLY. IT’S A SIMPLE CAUSE AND EFFECT RELATIONSHIP. EAT OUR CHEESE, OR BAD THINGS MIGHT HAPPEN. IT’S EASY TO PROVIDE FOR YOUR FAMILY WHEN ALL IT TAKES TO AVOID HARDSHIP IS THE PURCHASE OF OUR PRODUCT.
WE LET HUMANS ANALYZE HUMAN PSYCHOLOGY. WE DON’T HAVE TO ANALYZE WHY MAULING WORKS, IT JUST DOES. OUR RESEARCH SHOWS THAT AFTER JUST TWO WEEKS OF PANDA-PRESENCE CONSUMERS CONTINUE BUYING OUR CHEESE EVEN IN A BEAR-LESS STORE. IS THIS FEAR? PERHAPS. THE SIGNS “BUY THIS OR THE PANDA WILL KNOW” DON’T LEAVE MUCH TO THE IMAGINATION. BUT IT’S GOOD CHEESE, AND WE DON’T HAVE ANY COMPLAINTS. IT’S A WIN-WIN.
(VIA HAVE YOU SEEN THIS)
